Wednesday, July 6:
Today has been off to a weird start, as we woke up at 8 am and got breakfast, and I was just in a really bitter mood. We came back to the room afterwards, and we planned on going back to sleep for a little since it was our day to sleep in, but everyone was so loud outside. I feel that I’m just really flooded with emotions and anxiety right now, and in these times I really need to just be by myself and breathe. My online class started yesterday and the internet is so flaky here, so that’s extremely frustrating because I already have two assignments due. I also need to start my paper for my field study credits, but have no idea where to start since there is so specific topic as to what we are to write this 10-page paper about. I’m also completely torn in the sense that part of me could seriously stay here forever with these children and the friends I have made from Tech, but the other part of me is extremely ready to go home. The day-to-day routine is just getting old for most of us, as we wake up at the same time every day, have breakfast and head to school at the same time, teach and then wait around for 2 hours for the bus every day, head into town for things we don’t even need anymore, but it will kill time to go into town, then we head to the lodge where we wait around until we eat dinner. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything and I seriously can’t even think about leaving these children, but there’s definitely just a lot of overwhelming emotions flying around and it seems that there’s “down-time” structured into our day-to-day routine where we all have absolutely nothing to do. We all feel pretty bloated from eating the day food every day, as well as extremely pale, and God knows those two combinations are pretty brutal for me, personally. I feel like I have learned so much about myself here, though, and I know I have grown so much- especially in the whole ED field. I feel like on this trip, I am eating and acting more normal than I have in the past several years. I don’t even think about what I’m eating here, I just go along with what everyone’s doing and feel great about it! I don’t second guess myself or what I’m ordering, which is something I still struggle with immensely at home. There are just so many things going through my head right now, thoughts that have circulating and building up during the past month, and most of them I can’t put into words or even try to explain, I can just feel them and I know they are there. Doesn’t really make sense, does it?
Well, everyone’s off to the town right now and I am going to try to start this Feminism paper that I have due on Friday for my online Women’s Studies class. Tomorrow is going to be an extremely long and hectic day, but I am really excited! We are going to school for a little bit, and then walking about an hour to a Church where we are going to see a traditional Church ceremony with dancing and singing. We are then going to walk back an hour to our school in time for the celebration with our teachers. The other day we all got measured, and apparently our teachers all make us custom traditional African outfits. Going to be quite a site, but an amazing souvenir. Touch base later. Peace, love, Malawi.